Don't be too calculative over everything in life
I find it strange sometime that we are all very calculative over our actions. We often ask ourselves what it is in for me and weight the pros and cons before we commit ourselves to an endeavor. At time, I admit that I am guilty of doing this too. But more often, I have experiences of people taking that advantage over me. It is a very conflicting feeling. On one hand, you have the desire to contribute to the collective good by investing your time and effort. On the other hand, you also don’t want people to take advantage of your selfless giving. It seems paradoxical because when you give, you should give without expectation of any returns. Still, I also don’t want to be taken for granted. it is a very difficult to explain feeling. For instance, we know for a fact that everyone want the money, the award, and the recognition, but they only want to make those efforts that can give them the most significant benefits. Failing which, they just want you to do all the hard work so that they can enjoy your benefit. This sort of experiences happen to me recently and I find myself feeling very unhappy and unjust. What can I do when this happen? I wonder. One way out of this is I should start looking for more like-minded people to rekindle my passion and sooth my unhappiness.
The world is never fair. People who work hard to contribute to the collective good, rarely get recognized. Others who take advantage of these people or situation, get all the best rewards. Probably only a selected few of these good people get some recognitions in return. Of course, most of these good people never thought about wanting any recognition when they are investing their time and effort for the collective good. I find this social norms sick. I think people should always be complimented for such acts regardless whether they want that recognition or not. Yet, such recognition is never or rarely given. Sometime, witnessing such things happening right before your very own eyes makes you lose confident of the meaning of your noble endeavor. You have a strong sense of unworthiness. Why should you make things so difficult and so hard for yourself for the collective good? This is the time where faith plays a critical role.
Having faith means that we have to believe that we are on a moral ground higher than others. We stick by our principle and truly believe that what we are doing is the right thing to do with or without recognition. Having faith also means that we have to ignore this deep-seated unhappiness of how unfair this world is and continue to ignite the passion in our heart to serve. It is not for the faint of heart and reserve only to a selected few. Frankly, I believe only the highly enlightened ones (like monks/priests) are able not to feel anything about all these unfairness and still continue their life long goal to contribute everything they have for the collective good. We are all but human being. Everyone of us will be vulnerable to this feeling one day. When we do, it pays to tell yourself not to be too calculative in life. Learn to let go of this sense of unjustness and unhappiness, find like-minded people to recharge your soul, and continue to do what you believe is the right thing to do.
To serve is to give. Giving is a wonderful feeling especially when you see the happiness and joy in the faces of the receivers because of your action. For me, this motivates me to give more. But somewhere deep inside me, I still long for people to occasionally pat me on the back and say “I know what you have done and I really appreciate you giving up your own personal time and effort for the collective good”. I wish one day I can truly surpass this mental barrier and attain a level in spirituality that doesn’t even think about or want any of such recognition from anyone. It will be the time where I truly enjoy the spirit of giving without expecting any returns. Well, easier said than done.
Posted by Stephanie on September 22, 2011 at 12:54 pm
Hi Jenson! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and putting it in a very pragmatic piece of article.
Honestly, I occasionally come across the exact same feeling of selfless giving (or at least I thought so haha!), at the expense of being taken advantage of sometimes. The latter inevitably, is unpleasant. Yes, like you mentioned – the ultimate remedy is the principle of being “not being too calculative in life”. That’s something very close to heart because those are among the teachings of the wise generation like my grandparents and parents who have manifested these more in their actions than in words.
Your writing also serves as a reminder for each and everyone one of us to be more appreciative and grateful for the things/people around us! =)
Have a good day and see you around!
Posted by Da Niu on September 22, 2011 at 2:43 pm
I am glad to find someone who shares the same view as me. Keep up the giving and don’t let the feeling of unjust stops you from doing the right thing in life.